this is the worst of it...

So, I went on a hike this afternoon and to be honest while I greatly enjoyed it I had to really push myself to get off my ever so comfy couch and GO!

You know how sometimes someone will say to you

 

"this is the worst part of it, get through this and it will be fine after that"

 

well I think the worst part is making the choice.

 

Think about it for a moment...

...to begin you have to make a conscious decision to do it, whatever it might be.

 

As far as diet/exercise it is common knowledge you should eat healthy foods, burn more calories than you take in and exercise at least 3 days a week.

So, we know this right?

Why is it so hard for many of us around the world to actually do these things?

I think it comes down to one small thing, the little voice in our heads.

It can motivate us or de-rail us.

I am trying to listen to my own little voice more when it is trying to push me to get out & get those hikes in or take that favorite class at the gym as I always feel better after doing so. Also trying to ignore the voice when it suggests I can always go tomorrow.

My tomorrow needs to start today, right this very moment.

So, find what works for you...P90X, Zumba, Pilates, CrossFit or just talking a good long hike!

Just make the decision each day that you are worth it and get off the couch and do the thing that works for you!

 

 



self image

Ok, so here is the thing....we as woman tend to have issues with our self or body image.

Big shock, I know...and I am not saying men do not also have

said issues, but let's face it woman are SO much harder on ourselves

and each other than a man could ever be.

Why is this?

Does it make us feel better to put down another?

I just do not pretend to understand this phenomenom at all and know that at

some point in my life I also had those moments where I said or thought

less than kind words about another.

The reason why this topic is being brought up for my blog ramblings is based on

 my own attempt at getting healthier

(and the response from my friends & family as I do)

and a recent post I saw on Upworthy.com

http://www.upworthy.com/hey-girl-next-time-you-feel-bad-about-yourself-watch-this-video

 

The women featured in the video do not have what the media would say is the ideal body, yet they all have love for their bodies....as we all should!

I am slowly working on embracing the things I love about myself and working to change my view on the things I do not love.

That is the biggest trick in life I believe, focusing upon the positive and working

on turning the negatives around.

 

Recently I have been going to the gym 3-4 times a week as part of

my effort to get into better shape. Putting my time & money where my mouth is so to speak by paying for a personal trainer 2 times a month in addition to taking classes. My main problem is that workout clothes are the least flattering clothing to a person carrying extra weight...and the gym is filled with mirrors for you to see any & all of your flaws. I try not to think of myself in negative ways, but in a class filled with people who are several sizes smaller and a decade younger than myself I can't lie I have to work at being positive!

My outlook of late is I am there, putting in the time & effort.

At the moment I might not be in the best shape, but damn it I am working hard at changing that.

My friends & family have been amazing at encouraging & complimenting me through my journey.

I of course love being told how nicely I am doing, but there is that nagging voice that tells you how far you have to go...

 

So, here is my challenge to all of my lovely women friends...

Find 3 things you love about your body and what it can do for you.

 

To be fair I'll even share mine

 

1). I love my smile, which I use often to show the world how much I am enjoying my life! 

 

2). I love my feet (I know this is a weird one, but just read on...)

 they support me in my day to day living, including work

(waitressing is hard on the whole body, but especially the feet)

and a touch of fun nail polish color on those lil toes can just brighten up my day!

 

3). My hair, I am not super girly and thus don't do much with it, but it has always cooperated with me and takes very little to look good (thank goodness!)

 

I would love to say butt, legs or other such parts, but I am not quite there yet.

give me a few more months in the gym and that may change!

xoxox

I survived!

I completed my very first ever mud run!

It was harder in some ways than I thought it would be...and in some ways easier!?!

To be honest these sort of races are as much mental as physical. You have to get yourself into the mind set of having fun & just pushing through when you think you are at your limit.

 

My best friend did the race with me which was amazing.

We have so many fabulous memories, but this one is going into the top 10 for sure!

 

There were a couple obstacles that I knew going into the race were going to be a challenge for me, either mentally or physically. The up & over cargo climb was one of those....I do NOT like heights.

I found that I was so focused on being done, as it was the second to last obstacle, that I just powered through it. The other 2 that I dreaded were the tube we had to crawl through

(got good advice from a guy at that one to go in head first on my back & scoot/slide)

as I am slightly claustrophobic. Both my bestie & I dropped promptly off the monkey bars...someday I might be able to do those, but not there yet!

 

It was a 3.37 course with 20+ obstacles including about 8 mud pits.

Amazingly dirty & fun way to spend my birthday!

We got scratched, bruised and muddy...and had the time of our lives doing it.

We want to make it an annual tradition with as many of our friends as we can convince to get out there and do it with us!!!! 

 

 

 

It also inspired me to get back into my workout regime.

Have been slacking a bit the past few months....good have trained harder for the race, but hey I can get a jump start on next year right?

happy birthday to me

I am like a little kid about birthdays...I adore them!

This year I went down to my old stomping grounds of northern San Diego County to play with my friends & family.

Did a fun, but exhausting mud run with my best friend.

Birthday brunch at the place I had my first job.

Happy hour with all my girls and quality beach time with my bestie.

All in all it was just AMAZING!

Thanks to all the friends I got to see for making time for me.

I treasure all of you and what you bring to my life.

Trips like this just feed my soul.

xoxox

so, this whole Chick Fil A thing....

Ok, so first off let me say I am by no means a religious person.

I was raised  in a family that includes a couple atheists,  an agnostic or two along with various Christian religions being represented (Baptist, Lutheran & Methodist).

I respect EVERYONE's right to believe what ever they wish to believe, support it to their hearts content even. What I do not support is a group of people telling people what is right or wrong.

Being gay is not a choice...would someone choose to live a life in which they are constantly judged and told that they are an abomination against nature amongst other ever so kind statements?

I have friends and family who are gay.

I support them.

I love them.

I am in no position to judge their choices in who they love or

how they live their lives....no one is except them!

I support love.

One of my friends posted on FB earlier saying "isn't it within the bible to love thy neighbor....do we pick and choose which neighbor we can & will love?"

Another says she always goes back to the thought,
 "What is it about my love that is hurting you?"

What it comes down to in the end is that we as a human race to need to learn to love and appreciate one another's differences.
You do not have to support gays if you
 do not believe in them, but don't attack them.

 Let go of the hate.

You can be a person of religion without being a person of hate.

I personally have never eaten at a ChickFilA, and due to items within the news of late I doubt it will ever happen now. I do not wish to support an organization that gives money to groups that promote a less than loving view on gays & their lifestyle.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-badash/chick-fil-a-5-reasons-it-isnt-what-you-think_b_1725237.html

In what I think are important bits to this article these statements were made:

"Even if you don't support same-sex marriage, do you really think gay marriage is "inviting God's judgment on our nation"? Haven't we all heard enough blame from those who claim to speak for the Lord, like after Katrina or, more recently, after the shooting in Aurora, Colo.?"

I think people should use their beliefs, religious or otherwise to be a positive force

in our world rather than a negative one.

Promote love, understanding and acceptance.

Again this is just my own humble opinion...I know I will have some people amongst my FB friends who will disagree. That is what makes us as humans so great, we can agree to disagree.

All I ask is for people to not judge, just love one another!

I support love...how about you?

this one is for you....

Today is my bestie's birthday.

It seems as if we have known each other forever yet I still remember our first meeting over a game of jump rope on the playground of South O Elementary all those years ago.

I would love to say we were best friends from that moment, but honestly when we first met it was just as individual friends within a bigger circle of girls. Flash forward to junior high where we had a couple classes together and became inseparable almost overnight.

I think I spent as much time at her house as I did my own. Her family would become an extra family to me, with her mom even grounding me along with her a time or two.

We would experience so many firsts together; crushes, dates, dances, kisses, cars and so on.

The most trouble I ever got into was with my DK right by my side...her dad still asks how the lil jailbirds are 25 years after our "outing" (teehee)

We had matching clothes, oh my the bumble bee swimsuits...I SO wish we had pics of some of those!

Songs, rocks and payphones booths that were "ours" . We shared our first job and looked ever so cute in our lil mexican dresses...don't you agree?

 

We have a million little inside jokes, silly nicknames and countless memories over the past 30 years.

There were times that were not as rosy, we have had tough times like most relationships do...however I feel as if those times have made us stronger.

We might not always have lived by each other with my moving to my own lil slice of Paradise here on the central coast of CA shortly after hs grad while she stayed in our
old stomping grounds of the O. I spent a few years in SD for college and loved being close to her & the kids, was hard to move back home and not be right there for it all.

A couple years ago she moved out of state and I was devastated at not having her as close as before.

I was spoiled by being able to just pop in my car and seeing her within a few hours, now I have to pop on a plane to get to her...which I will of course do...just not as easy.

Life isn't easy though, neither is friendship.

We have worked to remain as close as we are. It means picking up the phone, emails and letters, lots of random FB smiles amongst other things.

I want to thank you my cmg, you make my world a better place

for being a part of it.

You force me to see myself much more positively than I would on my own. You are my own personal cheerleader and the first one on board when I come up with a idea for a caper or silly shenanigans. You truly are my partner in crime!

You are a beautiful soul who has touched many lives in such positive ways.
I hope you know just how beautiful you are both inside and out.

I look forward to all the memories we will create in the future...including the craziness

of the mudrun in Sept! I have faith that eventually we WILL take our girls trip to Catalina...seriously after talking about it for so many years we must make this happen! How can we get to Hawaii and not there? Crazy!

On this day of your birth today I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve, may your day be filled with all the people and things that make you happiest.

I will be there in spirit of course!

I love you more than mere words can say.

sad, but blessed

Due to working in a lovely small cafe we tend to get close to our customers. Many of them live nearby and come in quite often. They keep up with our lives as we do theirs. Last evening I found out that one of our regulars who has been battling cancer passed away. Her and her husband live on the same street as the restaurant and since I live in the neighborhood I would always wave and say hi or make some small talk when walking by.

As we were working last eve my boss and I noticed a fire truck & paramedic outside, but after a short while they left without taking anyone with them. We were hoping for the best, but a couple hours later we sadly saw the coroner's van come. As it was right at closing time we both went out to express our condolences to J. In the small world that is our community his brother M. is married to a family friend I have known for years and they were both there also.

It is always sad to be with someone whose loved one has just passed, but the moment the coroner drove away J. broke down and it broke my heart.

This is the moment none of us want to experience, for ourselves or others.

I walked away after this experience with sadness, but also feeling so blessed with the people within my life. I went home and called my sweet friend B, a phone call in which tears & laughter were equally shared. It is so important to let those in your life know daily just how loved they are. There are lots of  sayings about how life is short, life it to the fullest...etc...etc,but seriously we do only have one life to live so make the most of it and the people you have within it!

Take a moment today to share some of your love, give someone a hug, a kiss or even just a smile.

I love you my friends...

my moment of wow

I just got back from a fab getaway to see my bestie.

I checked a bag for the first time in years using a fun vintage pink marbled

Samonite suitcase (it is amazing) as I doubt that there would be another one like it thus making it easy to spot! Due to it being a vintage (circa 1960's) it has no wheels so you get a bit of a workout carrying it! I was worried about the weight so I popped on the scale both holding it and without it to gauge it's weight....much to my surprise it was a mere 32 pounds. It felt so much heavier, probably due to that old school style single handle and all.

The big AHA moment for me was realizing that the suitcase I was carrying was the exact amount that I have lost to this point. So, now I am on the path to try and lose another suitcase....woohoo.

leaving it all at work

To earn a living I work as a waitress and the best part of my job is that I walk away at the end of the day leaving it all behind. There are times at work where I get irritated by the craziness or stupidity of a guest.
I am sure it works both ways as I know I have been out to eat & been put off by a server, but after being in the business for 20 years I know there are lots of quirks to deal with in my profession and it falls on the server to be the professional and ignore any and all strange things people may say or do!
I have to say that after all these years I am still amazed by some of people's actions, but for me it stays at work. I may recall a funny story or two, but I no longer hold unto the irritating acts of my customers...once they walk out that door it is done. My viewpoint is it all balances, some people tip well, others not so great. Some are sweet & polite while others don't seem to think of servers as people, but rather a servant or non person. I am blessed to work in a fabulous little restaurant which has some amazing regular customers who make going to work a pleasure. In addition I like all of my co-workers, my hours and how close my job is to my home. I read a article the other day about what a bad job being in the service industry is, you can't count upon set wages (due to tips etc) and there are no benefits. While those points are true, in many ways it is the perfect job as I get to talk to people while I work & it is actually encouraged. I am never short on cash as I make money each and every day I am there, plus twice a month paychecks. So, in short I am grateful for my job and all the people it has brought into my life! 

It is funny how sometimes you talk about something with one friend and it comes up with another.

My sweet girl DK and I were just talking in a phone convo about making ourselves more of a priority & taking time for ourselves. I especially tend to take on the stress of those in my lives, I celebrate the good and cry with them over the bad...sometimes to my own detriment.

My sweet girl D wrote a fab blog on the same subject and I thought I would share it with you

http://dragonflywarrior.com/2012/06/02/importance-of-self/

She is going through a transition from a "traditional" job to being self-employed while juggling a house, husband, young child and pets. I like what she expressed about being a better person to those in her life when she takes the time for herself, in her case it is a daily yoga routine.

I also feel more calm and centered as a person when I take time to do my yoga routine. It makes me feel healthier, more relaxed and the only time of day I don't feel pressure to be "on" or "perfect" as it is only about me. I find many excuses to not do the things that make me healthier, we all know getting to the gym is the hardest part of working out after all! Yoga can be done anywhere, no special clothing or materials are needed per se which is one of my fave things about it.

Most of all though I love how I feel when I conquer a new pose...for the longest time I had a hard time with the dancer's pose. I lack balance, I tend to be like a weeble wobble in my life...slightly of balance. I could do the pose, but needed to be holding unto a chair or wall. The first time I did it in the middle of a room and held it was a huge deal for me. I am working on doing more challenging routines, but for now my focus is to merely do a form of yoga each day for my own sanity.

It makes me relax, have better balance & flexibility and in general is just good for me.

What is one thing you should do for yourself on a regular basis that you allow to slip away?

Can you make a point to allow yourself the time for that activity?

We deserve our time...carve it out and take it!

friends make life a better place...

Had an almost 2 hour phone convo with one of my oldest friends last eve.

Love you Barbiegirl!

I love chats like that where we talk about everything and nothing, laugh and just enjoy.

It reminded me that I am truly blessed with the people who surround me.

There are friends who have come and gone over the years, but a core group has been there through it all. We may fight now and again, or not talk for a bit due to busy lives, but when push comes to shove we are there for one another!

It made me think about why some relationships work and some don't.

For me it is that I have stopped being the one who always gives. I want relationships (of ALL kinds)

where it is a back and forth, 50/50 is ideal of course, but I'll take 40/60...LOL.

In my past I was always the friend who called or initiated outings and talks, and was hurt with friends who didn't give back what I put into our relationships.

After many years I just learned that not everyone has the same views or needs in relationships and you have to accept the limitations others put on said relationships.

There have been friends who say how close we are, yet if one of us were to move the amount of contact is drastically reduced. Others whom have taken advantage of innate kindness and seemed genuinely confused when this could or would upset me?

Having experienced these less than perfect friendships illustrate what I truly want in all my future ones.

Including, but not limited to trust, love, kindness, laughter, humor and shared adventures.

Cheers to the girls who make my life better every single day.

AKS, DK, D &Barbiegirl you are my core which gives me strength every day.

SBell, A, C and R thanks for the smiles and times shared over wine & walks!

xoxox



Happy Towel Day

Those of you that are fans of the late writer Douglas Adams might be aware that May 25th has been declared "Towel Day". While I won't be carrying a towel around with me today I am planning on doing a wild release of one of his books in honor of it.
Though in other parts of the US it will be celebrated in these manners:
•In Denver, CO, Mo is having happy hour with other Douglas Adams loving ape descendents.
•Blackout.com will celebrate Towel Day on air!
•Impatient froods from New Londen, CT (USA) celebrated Towel Day a day early but apropriately. They watched the Original BBC version of the Hitchhikers Guide on a big screen, talked about what this series of books meant to them, their favorite scenes from the books and answered questions from newcomers.
•Also a day early, partygoers danced the night away in New Hope, PA.
•Richard S. Crawford (USA) has written a short story called "Heart of Gold". It's very fitting for the occasion. You may know Mr Crawford from Daikaijuzine.
•Travis Avery (USA) has created nice wallpapers, icons and banners that are available for free from his website.
•Joseph. E. Green (USA) wrote a great article on Douglas Adams and Towel Day. The accompanying video shows Adams as the great raconteur he was.
•Legal blog CyberLawCentral will be hosting a carnival with a Towel Day theme and asks fellow law bloggers and tweeters to provide Towel Day pictures.
•About.com personality Lorain Blanken (USA) describes how a towel saved her father's life.
•Facerot (US) has drawn Douglas Adams and put the video on YouTube.

http://www.towelday.org/ for more details on what this worldwide event is about & how people all over the world are celebrating!

haven't been on here in quite a while, life just got busy of late.
Moved into a new apartment which I adore...though I am far from settled into it. It is a block away from my work, cheaper & bigger than my last place. Got to love all of those factors! No on site laundry so I am getting to explore the joy of going to the Laundromat for the first time in decades...not much else is new.
Time to go fold & put away all that laundry now!
Hello again my friends

uuuggghhh

just having a not so fab day and a little stresses.
this too shall pass...right?

guess it is good news?

So, my doctors visit yesterday seemed to go well. I am to go back for yet another ultrasound in May and then come see the doc again. He thinks it has gotten slightly smaller in size which is good. Basically they think it is fine, but seeing as I have had problems in the past we are being cautious. It is not a simple cyst, but rather a complex one...which can be cancerous...thus the concern.

All I know is the whole experience has been stressful & costly.

On the other hand I was down a few pounds from my last office visit which is always happy news!

yippee

So, this am I went through all of my clothes trying on things I do not wear as often and discovered I am down another size. I am (super) slowly getting to where I want to be. I have a fun plastic tote under my bed that comes out once a month for me to try on my smaller clothes. I get so excited when I can pull something out of it and today I found a pair of pants that used to be laughably tight to be a perfect fit. WOOHOO

I am starting to celebrate the small steps along the journey. I didn't gain this weight all at once & I sure as heck am not losing it all at once. I haven't posted a pic in a bit and maybe sometime soon I will for an update.

Right now it is time to get a workout in before heading to my big doctor's appt. Hoping to get good news from this one, but we shall see!

Have a fab day everyone!



sleep where are you...

Yippee, the joy that is insomnia has struck me once again this week. This round it is staying up much too late & waking before the sun arises. Not so fun really. Plus your mind fills with the most trivial details in the wee morning hours and you have no one to share them with....thus I am blogging (haha)
I am kick starting my workout routine this week...I am a strange reason for this that I am not sharing with you, but it is a great shove to my motivation level. At the same time as this round of insomnia I seem to have lost most of my desire to eat. I have been having lots of stomach issues after eating of late so my diet is rapidly becoming quite boring. I pushed it and had sushi last night, which while it tasted amazing did not make me happy in the long run. I head back to the doc this week to see if we have to do a biopsy or not. Maybe all of this is stress related and I will be better after the visit? I sure hope so!

blog vs journal

I have been doing quite a lot of writing of late, but in my old school paper

journal rather than on my blog.

Why might you ask? After all are they not the same thing at the heart?

It is the same basic idea...however there are some things I do not feel comfortable

putting out there for all to read. I may only have 4 followers according to this site, but I

have friends who pop on here and there to check it out and some of the things

I needed to talk about may have upset or even offended them.

I have been quite emotional since the beginning of the year due to a dear friend

(who I had mentioned in a previous entry on here)

going thru a divorce. I have been down to LA twice in the last month to try and be there for her.

I feel as each day brings her into a better place, but also in being there I am facing some demons of my own. It is funny how seeing someone else's struggles push your own to the surface.

So, I am putting all my fears, smiles and everything in between into words to resolve them.

Some might make it onto this blog, but others will stay tucked away in my little black book.

inspiration

I just read a fab blog I discovered via Pinterest

(a scarily addictive website I have quickly found a part of my daily routine)

It is called Can you stay for dinner?

It is written by a young woman who 5 years ago lost 135 pounds, about half of her body weight. She has since maintained that weight, but I was most impressed at her point of view as to the person she was before, during & after losing weight. It is about what is inside of us just as much as our outside.

Reading her thoughts made me stop and think about my happiness level with my life. I feel the last couple of years I have made major live changes to get myself into a place where overall I am a happier person. I have let go of "toxic"people that were in my life and celebrated those who make me a better version of myself.

Here is to hoping that 2012 brings even more brightness into my life.

goals....getting there!

so, I fell off track a bit with my diet & exercise goals.

I haven't gained....which is amazing, but I have been stuck at a small plateau for a bit now.

I should state that since I started actually tracking my weight I have lost 30 pounds and feel SO much better. I would like to lose another 70 to hit my goal, but I am focusing on a smaller one of 20 more pounds for now.

I joined a free online website which helps me track my food intake and it is eye opening to see what some of my more "empty" calorie choices are.

My goal for this next week is to watch my sugar levels....no more soda allowed.

Also to get back into my daily yoga routine...1 or 2 times a week is not doing it for me. I need the help with my balance and flexibility. Also it is my only time where I can focus on just me, not all the other stressors within my life!

and a follow up

I have to say how very surprised I am by how various friends have replied or not replied to my plea to help my friend Anya.

I wrote the note to my friends who I thought would be willing to help, even if it was only a sweet lil card to brighten her day.

I got more from people who do not know her at all

(like a couple of my fabulous Bookcrossing friends)

than I did from ones who know her, even if it is only through me.

I stopped to think about if I would be offended by getting a note like that from one of my friends if I did not know the person for whom help was being asked. I think that even if I was not in a financial way able to help I would at least respond and say that I was not able to, but how lovely of them to try on their behalf. Most likely though I would scrape up a few dollars to send though as I am one of those soft touches, haha.

Hopefully it was read and taken in by those people in the same spirit which it was sent, which was of love and friendship. I hoped for the best, but had no expectations.

I would like to say thanks to my sweet friend Steph who sent a nice gift card for me to pass along.

My sweet friend Dori also is posting off a fun book to brighten my girls spirits.

I really do think there are some amazingly lovely people in the world and I am blessed to have them in my life and that they care enough to help others!

Bless you all sweet friends!!!

friends....

So, I posted this letter below on my facebook notes and sent out a few messages to friends today.
I fully did not expect much from it as I know times are tough and at least half of the people I sent it to don't even know my friend so it was a risk.
I will say I am a bit suprised at the number of people who stepped up with kind words and offers of support in various ways.

HI my sweet friends...

I am taking a moment out of my day to ask for help for one of my sweet friends going thru a hard time within her life.

We all see fundraisers for people who are fighting battles, usually medical, but what about a person who is fighting an emotional or financial battle?

One of my dearest friends, Anya, who has supported me emotionally and at times even financially throughout our 20 year friendship is going thru some major life changes. After 20+ years her marriage is ending. In addition to this she also just signed a year lease on a new business, going into private practice for social work and now will be looking to move. I am looking for ways to support her emotionally & financially with all she is going thru. I am reaching out to my friends to see if there is any way for them to help. I am looking at this as friends helping friends. If you gave up that am coffee or after dinner drink with the girls for one eve and put that money towards helping my sweet friend get through a rough time in her life. If you do not have a monetary way to help (as I know times are tough for all of us) perhaps you would be willing to send a small card or note that might lift up her spirits? (Mail to me at PO BOX 123 Avila Beach, CA 93424 & I will fwd)Many of you know Anya and know what an amazing person she is. She is the most giving & caring person I know. As like most of us, it is not in her nature to ask for any help, but I have no shame in asking for her! Thanks for taking the time to read this regardless of what action you take. much love my fabulous friends!xoxox