hot, hot, hot

I had a lovely day off yesterday in spite of the evil heat that we are experiencing right now.
I am a wimp who lives where I do as I dislike weather over 85 or so. It had the nerve to be 95 here the last couple of days. Yes, I know it is much worse in other places...however most of those places AC is a standard type of thing....not so much here. I went and bought a fan, allergy meds and frozen yogurt to cope with said heat! Today I am off to take a hike at one of my fave places on the central coast (Montana De Oro) before it gets too hot, then some cleaning of my adorable pad, then work this eve.
Doing good on my quest to be healthier, hit my 20 pound goal and now want to lose another 5 before my birthday next month. Got some fun stuff coming up in the months ahead...football is starting, going to visit some friends both in & out of state.
Just have to say that I am really enjoying my life of late.

the times are a changing

I am noticing as I get older how my friendships have changed.
Some of it is me in that I choose to have relationships that are ones that give meaning and joy to my life. In years past I would be involved in relationships where I put so much of myself and got very little in return. As a goal to treat myself as well as I did others in my life I made some changes. In doing this I have found that some of those "friends" are becoming less of a factor within my life. It is not that I do not value them, but rather that I am choosing to value myself. I want people within my life that give to me emotionally what I am putting out into the world. It is more about knowing that if I called them with a problem they would be there to listen. Friends who would drop everything if I needed them as would I for them. It is about being present within my life even if they do not live nearby. A card in the mail, a short phone call to check in once a week or month, messages on FB...any little thing that shows you are being thought of.
As someone said it is all about the little things...

oh how sweet it is...

life is good

nothing more

nothing less

just happy today

and thought I would share

with all 3 of my followers...haha

worked out

made a smoothie

read a magazine

ate some fruit & cheese
then I did my project for the day (see above pic)

organized my jewelry making supplies

now, 3 hours until work, where I hope to make large amounts of money on my shift

then home to watch Project Runway.

Have I mentioned how my life is good?

do you love your life?

So, how do you feel about your life?

Right now is it more of a FML ( F*@k my life ) or a LML ( LOVE my life ) kind of thing?

At the moment for me as part of my intention to become a happier, healthier me I am choosing to go the LML route. I saw a blog via a friend on FB about this phenomenon and have to say it struck a chord with me.

I came through so much change in the past year and have tried hard to focus upon all that is good within my life. Not going to lie, this is not an easy thing to keep up with as we all have ups and downs in our lives. The trick is to find that silver lining in each cloud that is blocking our sun.

I must say how exceptionally blessed I am with the people within my life that make it ever so easy for me to focus on the brighter side.

My biggest LML at the moment is hitting 20 pounds lost in my quest to lose weight and get healthy. This is only my first goal, but it shows that with patience, exercise and diet I can and will do it!

just one thing...

So, found a blog about a girl who is taking a year to not shop for new clothes, but rather make over thrift store & garage sale finds ( http://newdressaday.wordpress.com )

I love this idea of trying something new each day.

Trying to think what of my many projects I have put off that i could possibly do...thinking for me it might be working on jewelry pieces that I bought parts for and never finished?

On my part it would most likely be a weekly or monthly project though, not so much a daily blogger as you might have noticed, haha.

such a pretty face

I read a book this morning with that title,

"such a pretty face" by cathy lamb

If you could not have guessed even a little bit from the title it has do do with a woman's self esteem issues. The main character Stevie has had a rough life, with a schizophrenic mother, being over weight and a heart attack while in her early 30's. She has a weight loss surgery to save her life, but still feels like the same fat, insecure girl inside. This book tackles some serious issues: anorexia, abusive family members and love. For me the best part of it was that there was no quick fix to all the problems laid out within it.

There is a scene where she talks about being wheeled down the hall in the hospital on the way to surgery while 2 woman talk about how obese and disgusting she is. She tells them that she has ears and just because she is fat by no means is she deaf. This struck a chord with me as someone who has battled with weight issues. People who are skinnier can sometimes feel as if by someone being overweight we lose our ability to hear when they say unkind words or laugh.

Other peoples words hold so much power of us all.

It doesn't matter if your issue is too much weight, being short, super skinny or tall...we all have feelings. The motto of think before you speak is a good lesson to remember.

I am currently on a path to become healthier. I have a long term goal of losing 100 pounds. Now that right there is sad, scary and exciting all in one simple number. The fact that I need to lose a whole 100 pounds to be considered by the American medical system as healthy is sad and scary to me. The fact that over the course of time I let my weight get away from me to that point is just scary. I think because I am doing this for me this time and not for anyone else in my life it is both easier & harder.

I am the one pushing myself to be better, healthier and yes, happier.

The experience so far has been slow. I started at the beginning of this year with the goal of being in better financial & physical shape by the time I was 40. I have 13 months to reach my goal. In the first 6 months of this year I lost 20 pounds

(yeah me...no seriously YEAH ME!)

The goals I have are to be a stronger, healthier person...not just to fit into society's normal standard of weight or size, though not going to lie it factors in.

For once, just like every other person who is of a larger size, I would like to hear that I am pretty without any sort of a qualifier.

If you just lost a few pounds....

Oh, you were so pretty/skinnier when you were younger...

While the sentiment is nice, it is much nicer for someone to simply say

You are lovely just as you are.

The best compliments I have received of late had little to do with my outer appearance and everything to do with me as a person.

I thank the people who said them to me for they remind me that I am a good person, a loving friend and a happy soul.

To be honest I think I have met very few people who are truly happy with there appearance, but there is no one who is harder on us than ourselves!

My goal through this period of change is to embrace who I am, faults and all.

I want to accept the things about myself that I may not like, change what I can and move forward when I can't.

This sounds so simple...yet it is so hard.

Putting numbers down on a piece of paper,calendar or even on here makes it real.

I can only hope that I have the strength to achieve my goals...even it takes more time that I hope...slow and steady wins the race, right?

late night deep thoughts and ramblings...

You know what I truly wish...
to see myself as viewed through my friends eyes.
I want to see how I am viewed by others in the world.
How my actions are perceived?
I know the spirit in which things are said or given, but you always wonder if they are taken within that same spirit?
This comes about through some issues I have had with various friends in the past year.
Over the course of my life I have been the one in relationships that tends to give more of myself, and now I want my relationships to become more equal.
In trying to treat myself better I am learning that some of my past relationships, both friendships & romantic were toxic ones for me.
I gave so much of me, that when they ended I was left feeling as if I had lost some pieces of myself.
Not to say that all these relationships were/are bad. I have learned, grown and treasure each experience as it shaped me into the person I am today....which I think is a pretty amazing one.

sangria is super delish after a long eve of work, or even an not so long evening, teehee

the more things change the more they stay the same...

Do you ever feel like there are just little signs all around you that you just don't notice until something just flat out hits you in your face? I saw a few old friends lately who seemed so amazed at how my life had changed since we last talked. In retrospect I guess there were signs of wanting a change that i saw, but others around me did not. I left a job I had been at for more than half a decade, a house I lived in for more than a decade. I cleansed memories, too many belongings and even some people out of my life in the course of this period of change. It started with the job, a place were I had not been happy for while yet had not taken the advice I give to others that if you don't like where you work then find a place you do. life is too short to be unhappy over things you CAN control. I found myself much happier over all, but frustrated with my money situation. Finally got that back on track only to have the house situation occur. I loved that little beach side cottage...and always will, but in many ways leaving it was the best thing to happen to me. I was cocooning in that small house in a very small town. I had let my belongings take over my home and the sheer amount of things I gave to friends, sold or donated amazed me and yet it felt so freeing.
I am living in a bigger space and my goal is to get rid of even more stuff so I can really enjoy the freedom of that space. I am hopeful that remembering how it was in the old place will help me in this process. Embrace the change...or as someone famous once said " be the change you wish to see in the world"

is less really more?

I read an interesting article on consumerism and living with less today. It was sent to me via my dad, who is a big believer in these ideas. Well, I am learning to let go, albeit slowly. Just this past weekend I took 2 car loads of my "stuff" to Goodwill. I had a hard time getting rid of some of my more fabulous items....like my stuffed animals. Yes, I am 38 and own stuffed animals, don't judge me. One of the ones I let go was the hippo I got a child from a trip to the San Diego Zoo which when I was losing my teeth I "pulled" the foam teeth from. I also found a strange picture that a boy I dated for like a minute in hs had drawn.

Some of these things I moved countless times and stored in boxes much to my amazement. I am trying very hard in my new space to have the pieces of art, photos, books and furniture be things that inspire memories and/or have function in my everyday life.

Not going to lie that this attempt to live with less is easy in any way, shape or form. However that is not going to stop me from treading forward in my battle. All I know is that the next time I move I would really like it to be easier!

Headed down to San Diego to celebrate my mom's 65th birthday (where does the time go?)
It seems quite strange to go south and not have my bestie to stop and see. I am looking forward to a special day with my mom though. Doing a mini version of Monterey since neither of us could afford the getaway to there right now I am trying my best to re create it! Did a lovely dinner at Benihana this eve ( a place we do when we go to Monterey) and tomorrow it is off to Scripps Aquarium in La Jolla before doing lunch at Monterey Bay Canner's at Oceanside Harbor. Should be fun...might have pics to follow.