late night deep thoughts and ramblings...

You know what I truly wish...
to see myself as viewed through my friends eyes.
I want to see how I am viewed by others in the world.
How my actions are perceived?
I know the spirit in which things are said or given, but you always wonder if they are taken within that same spirit?
This comes about through some issues I have had with various friends in the past year.
Over the course of my life I have been the one in relationships that tends to give more of myself, and now I want my relationships to become more equal.
In trying to treat myself better I am learning that some of my past relationships, both friendships & romantic were toxic ones for me.
I gave so much of me, that when they ended I was left feeling as if I had lost some pieces of myself.
Not to say that all these relationships were/are bad. I have learned, grown and treasure each experience as it shaped me into the person I am today....which I think is a pretty amazing one.

sangria is super delish after a long eve of work, or even an not so long evening, teehee

the more things change the more they stay the same...

Do you ever feel like there are just little signs all around you that you just don't notice until something just flat out hits you in your face? I saw a few old friends lately who seemed so amazed at how my life had changed since we last talked. In retrospect I guess there were signs of wanting a change that i saw, but others around me did not. I left a job I had been at for more than half a decade, a house I lived in for more than a decade. I cleansed memories, too many belongings and even some people out of my life in the course of this period of change. It started with the job, a place were I had not been happy for while yet had not taken the advice I give to others that if you don't like where you work then find a place you do. life is too short to be unhappy over things you CAN control. I found myself much happier over all, but frustrated with my money situation. Finally got that back on track only to have the house situation occur. I loved that little beach side cottage...and always will, but in many ways leaving it was the best thing to happen to me. I was cocooning in that small house in a very small town. I had let my belongings take over my home and the sheer amount of things I gave to friends, sold or donated amazed me and yet it felt so freeing.
I am living in a bigger space and my goal is to get rid of even more stuff so I can really enjoy the freedom of that space. I am hopeful that remembering how it was in the old place will help me in this process. Embrace the change...or as someone famous once said " be the change you wish to see in the world"

is less really more?

I read an interesting article on consumerism and living with less today. It was sent to me via my dad, who is a big believer in these ideas. Well, I am learning to let go, albeit slowly. Just this past weekend I took 2 car loads of my "stuff" to Goodwill. I had a hard time getting rid of some of my more fabulous items....like my stuffed animals. Yes, I am 38 and own stuffed animals, don't judge me. One of the ones I let go was the hippo I got a child from a trip to the San Diego Zoo which when I was losing my teeth I "pulled" the foam teeth from. I also found a strange picture that a boy I dated for like a minute in hs had drawn.

Some of these things I moved countless times and stored in boxes much to my amazement. I am trying very hard in my new space to have the pieces of art, photos, books and furniture be things that inspire memories and/or have function in my everyday life.

Not going to lie that this attempt to live with less is easy in any way, shape or form. However that is not going to stop me from treading forward in my battle. All I know is that the next time I move I would really like it to be easier!

Headed down to San Diego to celebrate my mom's 65th birthday (where does the time go?)
It seems quite strange to go south and not have my bestie to stop and see. I am looking forward to a special day with my mom though. Doing a mini version of Monterey since neither of us could afford the getaway to there right now I am trying my best to re create it! Did a lovely dinner at Benihana this eve ( a place we do when we go to Monterey) and tomorrow it is off to Scripps Aquarium in La Jolla before doing lunch at Monterey Bay Canner's at Oceanside Harbor. Should be fun...might have pics to follow.

happy day

On this day 39 years ago one of my best friends was born. We have been through so very much over the years and I am truly blessed to have her in my life, good times and bad! Wishing my sweet cmg the happiest of happy days! I love you crazy girl...

OK, so I suck at this whole blogging thing. I do think of lots to say, but find it hard for myself to get to the computer to do it as I am just so busy actually living my crazy life.
This past 3 months has been filled with changes. I have experienced loss of a family member, moved 2 times, travelled to visit family out of state and worked to afford all of it.
I am loving my new place. It has a sense of peacefulness which I love. The location being so close to downtown was not a big draw when I looked at the place, but has become a major plus. ^ blocks to the library, 3 to my bank and 5 to my job...plus super close to a variety of food and adult beverage choices!
Now, if I could just get completely unpacked and organized my life would be amazing...one box at a time, day by day!