late night thoughts

OK, so it's not so late, but still...

I hate when people tell you one thing, but yet their actions speak a different tale.
To most the old adage actions really do speak louder than words really does apply.
If you say I matter to you, make some modest amount of effort at least.
Try telling me things, anything, as long as it is not a lie.
Just as I should do with you.
Be there when I need you, not just when it is fun for you to be there for me.
Let me be there for you, not just when it is comfortable for you to need me.
This is what relationships are all about.
It is not about right and wrong.
Nor is is about who can spend the most money.
Or the amount of time you can carve out of your life.
It is about letting people into your life, sharing the good, the bad and all the crap that can fall between.
It is about knowing when it is time to step back, but also when that step is moving a little bit to far away.
It is about truth, ugly as it might be.
It is about caring enough to tell people your secrets and stories that made you into the amazing person you are today.

Where is this coming from you might ask.
Not where you might think!
This is not a remark on the dramas of some of my friendships of late, though there is truths within what I just wrote which can apply there.
In a conversation I had with a dear friend today I realized there was obviously things from my past I had not shared with her. Now I consider this woman to be quite a dear friend, who has shared many a adventure, moments of sadness as well as joy. However she didn't know about a certain rocky dark period within my past.
I am not trying to be cryptic in mentioning it this way, but rather it is intensely personal and I don't wish to share in such a public manner at this time.

What it showed me though is as close as we can be, there are things we might not want to share.
We have so many facets of ourselves, that sometimes we forget that someone hasn't seen a certain side to us. The beauty of a good friendship is that eventually that other person does get to see the complete beauty that is you.
I am well aware of my flaws and am learning to embrace them. The events that I experience make me the person I am today and will become in the future. I should strive to be as amazing as I am told I am by my lovely friends. I should want the best for myself as much as I do for those I care about.