pressure...

Ok, so it here...

the moment where I break down

I knew it was coming, but it really hit me hard today.

I went to drive out of Avila to head to my temporary housing, but was going to need to come back tomorrow to get the tail end of my stuff. It is Beer Fest here in town in addition to being Memorial Day weekend. This means madness of people, young drunken college kids, families and escapees from the central Valley areas. This year seemed worse than previous years in the crunch of people and cars in that it took me 15 minutes to get from my house to the freeway. Gave me serious flashbacks to the year Unocal put on fireworks on the 3rd of July...madness!

So, in my head I was thinking...ok, I will never have to deal with this again.

Then it hit me, I will NEVER have to do this again. I cried for the entire drive home.

I know deep down that I will come out of this experience in a better place, but the actual process of it is really hitting me hard emotionally. Trying to focus on my positive aspects, but the idea of change is always more fun than the reality of it!

sad...

Knowing all I know about this world means nothing when I lose someone dear to me in my life. My sweet uncle passed away today, after a period of illness, but years of health problems. I love that I have great memories of him, as he was an awesome man. A good uncle, brother, son, father, husband who touched many lives. He will be missed. My sadness comes not only from my own feeling of loss, but also seeing my father lose his baby brother. I wish for a better place for Lee where ever he is now, hopefully keeping an eye on his loved ones from there.

may day may day

So it is the first of May, otherwise known as May Day in some countries and religions.

For me it is the start of a long and stressful month full of changes. I will be leaving my home of 13 years this month and have yet to figure out just where I am going next...

I am trying to embrace all of the good things to come out of this, but not going to lie I have been filled with anxiety over not knowing where these changes will be taking me.